Arcade’s Greatest Hits: The Atari Collection 1 (PlayStation 1996, Sega Saturn and SNES 1997)

Midway_Arcade's_Greatest_HitsYou might recall the Sega Saturn edition from previous entries. I thought it was interesting that the Super Nintendo version wouldn’t be released until August 1997, coming behind the Saturn and PlayStation releases by months- there were only 8 SNES games released after it in the U.S., a line which stopped in 1998 (in Japan they kept going right up until November of 2000, less than a year before GameCube was released). Nintendo 64 came out in 1996, 11 months before this game was released on the SNES, which makes me wonder why they didn’t do an N64 release.

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the in-game menu on the PlayStation release

Unlike other compilation releases I’ve seen, like the Atari Anniversary one, each port here comes complete with all 6 games: Asteroids, Battlezone, Centipede, Missile Command, Super Breakout, and Tempest.

Sega Saturn and PlayStation

I’m wanting to say these releases are identical. The only thing that sticks out is this: for Battlezone, the tank controls sort of reflected how real tanks work in that the buttons sort of simulated levers like you’d use to drive one. But I don’t remember dealing with that on the Saturn.

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Missile Command on the PlayStation

Otherwise, it’s the same game. Same intro movie, same transitions when you start a game, same documentary. The games emulate the same way- in the documentary they’re claimed to be “arcade perfect”. You wonder how the same game can play differently? Just look at Mortal Kombat Trilogy and Doom on the PlayStation and Saturn. MKT has longer loading times, and while running smoothly on the PlayStation, Doom on the Saturn runs like your system is also trying to download Doom 2016 in the background- a choppy mess.

Super Nintendo Entertainment System

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You’ll notice that the score isn’t cutoff at the top of the screen on the SNES version.

I only tried two of the games on the SNES. Instead of having a menu to switch between games like on the disc versions, for the SNES you have to reset every time you want to change the game you’re playing. Fortunately the menu loads pretty quick.

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The crosshairs for Battlezone flickered in and out of existence on the SNES version

As for emulation, I noticed that it isn’t quite arcade perfect. Missile Command played ok, actually better than the PlayStation as you’ll notice in the screenshots that some parts of the PlayStation screen got cutoff. Battlezone on the other hand didn’t fare so well, it seemed a little sluggish. The best comparison I can think of is that is that it was like playing SNES Doom compared to PlayStation Doom.

Should You Buy It?

It’s the only 16-bit way to play Asteroids, Centipede, and Tempest. Battlezone had a few modernized clones, Missile Command made its way to the Sega Genesis, and Super Breakout had a clone in the form of Arkanoid. I suppose you could argue that Tempest was succeeded by games like HyperZone with the whole “3rd person perspective as you shoot up incoming enemies” notion, but that’s a bit of a stretch in my view.

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Usually it’s bad if you see caterpillars coming right at you (centipedes are flat, caterpillars are round like the creature pictured).

As for 32-bit systems? Missile Command and Tempest received updated versions that came out on the Atari Jaguar, Sega Saturn, and PlayStation. Super Breakout found its way to the Jaguar in an updated form, and another altered version ended up on the PlayStation. Asteroids was remade on the PlayStation. And every game in this collection (plus 6 others) was re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-released for the PlayStation later on in the Atari Anniversary Collection Redux.

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Game Boy Advance counts as 32-bit, so here is another release. Like with the PlayStation Atari Anniversary game, all 6 of the games in the Arcade’s Greatest Hits collection are on here. Actually, those are the ONLY six games on here- aside from the added trivia challenge this might as well be just another port of Arcade’s Greatest Hits.

M*A*S*H (Atari 2600, 1983. Part 4 of the War Games series)

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The artwork features such familiar characters as that guy on the left, that nurse in front, that guy on the right… who the hell are these people?

As we watch the Democrats peddle their warmongering interventionist and laissez-faire let’s-wait-for-war attitudes, ie as they play their war games on their way to the fall brawl known as the midterm elections, where voters will probably vote Democrat to bring us nookular annihilation, I’ll take a look at some literal war games. Cold War video games, anyway.

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Logo property of WWE, Image from Uproxx

Today, we address the personal toll the Left’s warmongering will take, butchering narratives as their war would butcher Americans, by taking a look at the game MASH (I can’t use the * symbol because it does not work well, this is what the word ends up looking like: MAS*H) on the Atari 2600.

And no, despite the smokescreen of the Kavanaugh coverage, the Left still wants its war. Even if nothing had been said this past week, it’s not like 3 months is enough separation to allow us to dismiss this rhetoric.

Surgical Strikes

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Gonna go ahead and say the programmers never watched the show. Or read about what tanks are capable of doing with their cannons. Just a hunch.

Ooooooh boy, where to start? I’ve seen every episode, been watching for 15 years. I’ve seen the movie at least 4 times. Hawkeye Pierce, played by either Donald Sutherland or Alan Alda, never piloted a helicopter. He’s driven jeeps, offensive lines on the gridiron, maybe driven a bus, drove people crazy, went crazy and drove a tank, but he never piloted a helicopter.

Colonel Potter never had a team of skydiving medics. Aside from corpsmen among the paratroopers on the two combat jumps made during the war, there wasn’t any such thing as a skydiving medic. This whole premise is weird.

Hawkeye never competed with his fellow surgeons either, except maybe Frank Burns and Charles Emerson Winchester III, though not so much with the latter because Winchester was a skilled surgeon while Burns wasn’t so great. I notice that Winchester wasn’t mentioned in the manual, even though this game came out the same year the show ended its run, with Winchester having been on the show since 1978.

Tanks, by the way, never shot down helicopters with their cannons. Anti-air tanks that may have had that role were not deployed by the North Korean/Soviet/Chinese forces in that war. And I’m pretty sure that’s just a picture someone drew in the manual, not an actual screenshot.

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Apparently in the Korean War, UH-1 helicopters were shot at by the Uralmash-1 self-propelled artillery prototype while an A-4 Skyhawk (with an oddly placed refueling probe) flew overhead.

As the manual states, you pick up the wounded. Fly your helicopter to a wounded person, they disappear once you make contact, then fly back to your hospital tent and deposit your wounded by rubbing up against it. You can carry multiple wounded, picking them up until the hole in the middle of the helicopter (presumably the open doors) is filled. This is a timed round. Once it’s concluded, Hawkeye stops piloting and starts operating.

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Looks a little fat for a soldier, particularly around the thighs. Too many Krabby Patties I guess. Or he’s a German soldier.

This part was programmed long after the release of the board game “Operation”, so they might’ve ripped it off. But there is a twist: you don’t touch the shrapnel (the little metal dot inside the maze-like body cavity, presumably a horrifying wound) and automatically pull it out. You have to guide it through the wound and out the hole. The placement is random, but it can be a little harder than shown here. You have a set amount of time to remove the shrapnel.

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My Take

The game passes time. It’s just a series of minigames, probably enjoyed more with friends which I had done once or twice many, many years ago. Once the games are complete they start over in a neverending cycle, so in that sense it accurately simulates the life of someone at a MASH unit. I can’t really comment much on the game, given the tech they had to work with. It’s not the worst game on the Atari, and you can easily pick it up and figure out what’s going on without a manual. Unlike say E.T. or Superman. Graphics aren’t so bad, certainly not as bad as Pac Man, and have more variety than other games like Asteroids or Yar’s Revenge.

I don’t see why they had to just invent skydiving medics to rescue, or give Hawkeye and the other surgeons pilot’s licenses. Well, I take that back. They probably had only enough time/cartridge memory/whatever to program two settings to the game (unlike Pigs In Space which gave you 3). You’re either picking up wounded outside or inside operating, maybe they just didn’t have enough room to program a third location, instead inventing the skydiving medic thing as a way to repurpose the outside area so that they can allege there are 3 different ways to play.

It’s pleasant to look at and plays well. Not too shabby for a very early movie/TV show adaptation, considering how horrifically botched these can be.

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MASH’s cast at the time the game came out. Notice how none of the characters from the video game’s cover art appear here. At least they got the sign right.

Onward To Politics

MASH is obviously a Cold War product through and through. It’s set in the Korean War. We were in Korea to stop the spread of communism by the Soviet-backed North, but supposedly also to stop the North from slaughtering the people of the South. The movie and TV show came out during the Vietnam War and mixed humor with the horrors of war. Then after we pulled out of Vietnam, the series became less funny and focused more on various issues from old friends gone bad to adultery to claustrophobia to why Alan Alda shouldn’t be allowed to write an entire episode that’s just him delivering a monologue. The whole affair, whether movie or TV show, had an anti-war flair to it.

War Is Heck

severed head

This much rage doesn’t just disappear y’know. And don’t expect her to be demonstrating why women are better at being compassionate than men. I’ll note here that I include links such as the above to show that I’m not making some kind of strawman argument.

This anti-war message seems to have been lost on modern Democrats. However, I can’t help but notice that under the cover of the Kavanaugh hearings and allegations the news cycle provided, the widespread cries for Russian blood have dissipated. At least for the moment- expect everything from Russians to sexism to be behind Republican victories this fall, and expect riots if the predicted Blue Wave doesn’t surface.

The Russia narrative didn’t die, it just slowly faded away, to be pulled out of mothball when needed. Covering old ground, I’ll take another moment to stab at how the Left wants to fight this new war. Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez, my favorite strawgirl because her proposals didn’t even pass CNN’s smell test (despite DNC Chairman Tom Perez labelling her the future of the party), suggests cutting military spending to help fund her $40 Trillion spending package (she also suggested in that Jake Tapper interview that once millennials lose the shadow of $1.5 trillion in student loan debt, somehow they’d be able to fund the rest of her scheme). In fact, leftwing organizations have said that her plan only accounts for $2 Trillion of the funding (check the CNN link). U.S. GDP in 2016 was about $18.5 Trillion. Since we’re talking about funding over 10 years or so, imagine if 20% of your paycheck suddenly disappeared. 20% of what you have now. That’s what Ocasio-Cortez wants.

Oh yeah, did she mention that even without her program, our debt is projected to be $34 Trillion by 2028? And she wants to double that, as if your taxes weren’t high enough. Beyond that, as of 2016, the U.S. was committed to paying $210 Trillion over the next 75 years in social security and medicare benefits alone (an extra $2.8 Trillion per year, and over that 75 years it’s predicted that we won’t be able to pay about $47 Trillion of this already, and Ocasio-Cortez just wants to add even more to this crisis… but it makes sense she’d be naive, sheltered life she had growing up in a wealthy liberal haven. She lied about her working-class background and didn’t want for money, at least until the battle over her father’s estate once he died in 2008, her father having been CEO of a company. Even after that she, despite allegedly being working-class, found time to visit Flint, MI to protest or whatever. As someone with a real working-class income who is roughly her age and has been working steady for 4 years, allow me to enlighten you: PEOPLE BARELY GETTING BY DON’T GO ACROSS THE COUNTRY TO PROTEST! If I were flying from NYC to Flint, it’d be 20% of my monthly income round trip. If I lived with my parents and pulled a stunt like that, they’d say “well you can afford to do that so you can afford to pay your own rent”. Heck, even driving there and back would cost no less than $320).

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Tortuga tanks, because Venezuela was always the model of success to be emulated. Image from MilitaryMachines

Tax the rich to get that money? Are you reading what the GDP was? We don’t have enough rich people’s money to tax! They’ll leave (yes I know I keep referencing my previous posts, but I already elaborated on this point in it) anyway if she does go after everything they have. Remember Venezuela? Had booming industries, was a great place, then socialists like Ocasio-Cortez took over and now toilet paper is a luxury while they eat their pets? Sean Penn and Danny Glover sure remember Venezuela, because it is paradise to them. And if it doesn’t work out they’ll just move somewhere else and leave the rest of us to die from their mess.

Conflict Of Understanding

Another area the Ocasio-Cortezes of the world are insensitive to human nature and suffering in is war. As you may have noticed above, she wants to defund the military. But as a global citizen she’d totally send it out to war if the U.N. asked. Send it out underfunded, understaffed, and with equipment that isn’t even safe to train in, let alone enter a war zone in. But folks like her don’t really value the military anyway (the communist Soviets are a great example, they just threw waves of men at enemies, and liberal communist hero Chairman Mao was happy to lose 300 million of his people in a nuclear war, and even liberal professors and leaders in America today think millions of Americans are untermensch to be slaughtered as they choose, the same liberals teaching tomorrow’s leaders that white people are evil, the same liberals supporting Ocasio-Cortez), they see soldiers as either toxically masculine (thus evil), see them as conservatives, see them as potential terrorists, or in Hillary’s case see them as pawns to disrespect at home while sending them abroad to die for whatever she feels like because she’s not one for refusing wars. Since Hillary was the most qualified candidate ever, this must be what Democrats would do with our military even after gutting it.

To be fair, I think Ocasio-Cortez’s solution to end American Imperialism as her clique calls it would involve us ending our nuclear deterrence program, at which point any of our adversaries like China and Russia (or Iran or North Korea) would casually threaten us into compliance with such demands as disbanding our military. We’d certainly be leading from behind- we’d be the only major power without nuclear weapons. And with other countries ordering us around, we’d have as much use for a military as Cuba, whose greatest military victories since Bay of Pigs have been whenever their gunboats murder refugees. Refugees Obama said were no longer welcome in America, while happily letting MS-13 rapists in.

Any Compassion?

MS-13, and Nancy Pelosi saying that they are divine (you’ll notice how Pelosi defends murderers and rapists, but does not extend that courtesy to the “legislative arsonists” across the aisle), brings up another point. One thing MASH did as a series was to humanize the enemy. The doctors spent all day patching together wounds caused by enemy gunfire but were still fine with treating North Korean patients and even protective of them. One episode in particular had the doctors try to sneak a P.O.W. out of the hospital because she would have faced torture if the South Korean M.P.s were allowed to take her. She was totally unrepentant, told the doctors she’d have killed them if she could, but our lead character Hawkeye still thought he’d done the right thing. And actually, you have no clue in the video game whose side the

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That blindfold on Lady Justice is also traditional garb for victims of firing squads, something liberal concepts of justice tend to involve.

wounded are on, so except in that operating table minigame there’s no way to tell whose life you’re saving while playing. Kind of like how the Hippocratic Oath is supposed to work. And Justice too, but Senator Mazie Hirono (D-HI) and Senator Corey Booker (D-NJ), and the mobs of their supporters, don’t believe this.

Where is this humanization from liberals? Let’s look at the Kavanaugh allegations and gender/race relations in light of those. Kavanaugh is a M-A-N, which somehow makes him subhuman. Life unworthy of life. In other words, he is evil.

To be fair, liberals have a very low tolerance of anyone, even liberal women, that disagree with them. It just happens that their main devil, Republicans, are largely white males. And the Left has hated men for quite some time.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the aisle, we have Republicans trying to empathize with Dr. Ford and give her the benefit of the doubt (granted, some Republican women who are sitting in judgment of Dr. Ford, and if men AND women can’t judge a female then who can?), saying maybe she really was sexually assaulted but not by Kavanaugh (interestingly enough, it’s entirely possible that the memory was fabricated from her

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NASA has A LOT to answer for. Image from Trekcore

therapy sessions, to where she believes it really happened despite Kavanaugh not being a part of it as witnesses Dr. Ford herself cited have claimed- afterall, people can believe they were sexually assaulted by Bugs Bunny in Disney World or in one case I read about years ago someone’s therapy to reconstruct a trauma led to them believing Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock abducted her and took her to the Enterprise… not the actors or the Navy ship, the characters and the starship, so there’s no telling what false memories might surface. Dr. Ford herself would agree; she wrote a paper on how to create false memories (and coached a friend on how to pass a polygraph like she did, but that’s a different matter). Granted, if Dr. Ford said Kavanaugh took HER to the Enterprise then Democrats would be calling for an investigation into NASA for allowing Kavanaugh to misuse their equipment).

Michelle Remembers, But Democrats Don’t

Women aren’t credible when accusing Democrats, just ask Hillary Clinton or Keith Ellison (the Deputy Chairman of your party is accused of beating a woman, the woman has a doctor’s report, and only 5% of you Democrats who want Kavanaugh drawn and quartered believe that Ellison is guilty, meanwhile Hillary who as you saw above referred to her husband’s accusers as “bimbo[s]” now says such accusations are credible).

So in summation: Dr. Ford looks like a liar (not saying she is one, lying connotes deliberate deception, just saying her accusations og Kavanaugh aren’t holding up to scrutiny) because the only witnesses she cited say the event never happened, and those witnesses were the extent of the evidence she had for her claim (though we’re being told that merely claiming is enough evidence, and that a lack of witnesses corroborates her claim).

Kavanaugh, on the other hand, has Dr. Ford’s very own witnesses proving he was not involved, plus a clean record outside of these allegations all centering on the same 30+ year old time period (otherwise one of the FBI’s 6 background checks surely would’ve found something, the FBI is a very credible group according to liberals) which is highly unusual for people who go around with rape gangs as another accuser is alleging.

First Democrats said they’d never vote for Kavanaugh. Then they said they wanted all of Kavanaugh’s documents despite an unprecedented number being released- remember when “unprecedented number of stuff released” showed how great Hillary was? Then they reveal Dr. Ford’s allegations, which they’d been sitting on for 45 days, and demand the FBI immediately investigate them, as if they weren’t important enough for that in July. When they finally get that investigation into Dr. Ford’s allegations, they say it is a total farce within 48 hours of it starting. They now say that ALL allegations need to be investigated, the less credible accusations too (note that Senator Hirono says the allegations are credible, which means she must have some evidence, which means she is guilty of obstruction of justice by not releasing that evidence, or she’s just going by her definition of credibility which she already explained when she said Kavanaugh is guilty and has no credibility because she disagrees with him politically, so at least she’s consistent with the opposite being true- that she would find the accusers credible because she agrees with them politically), the ones so weak that the liberal New York Times didn’t even bother publishing them (try around the 96 minute mark in the link, Lefty NBC even found that one of Senator Hirono’s so-called ‘credible‘ accusers wasn’t particularly credible). Once again they took forever to make these allegations public, apparently they knew about it for at least a week during which they still demanded only Dr. Ford’s allegations be investigated (check the date on that NPR article- 5 days before the New Yorker published its piece on the second accuser, in which it’s mentioned Democrats already knew of them. It’s also interesting that Senate Democrats would investigate THESE allegations, but refused to look into Dr. Ford’s.), and they hunted for Ramirez too, trying to bring her out during this time they could’ve been asking the FBI to investigate. Worse, they refused to participate in the Senate’s Dr. Ford investigation (which could jail people for lying and could be like an FBI investigation), were reluctant to interview her, and refuse to get the one law enforcement body involved that could’ve acted instantly- the local police in the area where Dr. Ford’s alleged event took place (there is no statute of limitation on this crime in that area, they urged Dr. Ford to get a lawyer but never urged her to file a complaint with the police who’d have already finished their investigation if they’d done this when Feinstein first heard about it). I guess they were too busy trying to find new accusers to be bothered with the old ones. Now Democrats just say ditch Kavanaugh because it doesn’t even matter if he’s guilty or innocent. Democrats kept getting what they wanted, and kept demanding more once they got what they wanted. Appeasement never works with bullies.

They got the documents they wanted, which they hated. They got the Dr. Ford hearing they wanted, which they hated. They got the FBI investigation into Ford’s allegations that they wanted, which they hated. Now they say just dump Kavanaugh, repeating the tired line they’ve been using since Kavanaugh was first announced months ago, so long ago that Sen. Feinstein didn’t even know of the sexual assault allegations yet when they first started saying it.

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I don’t recall scenes about treating enemy soldiers in the movie, but I also don’t recall any of the characters on the Atari 2600 cover art being in the movie.

Despite this, despite the total lack of evidence for Dr. Ford’s testimony, we find that more Republicans are doing their best even-handed MASH impression than Democrats, while most if not all Democrats as far as I can tell from the media coverage are acting like the South Korean torturer and the P.O.W. in the episode mentioned: only concerned with getting his hands on his latest victim, or in the P.O.W.’s case only concerned with trying to kill the people that want to help her. Remember: Democrats are supposed to be the fair-minded party, the party of intelligence, the party of reason, the party of compassion. I have yet to see this demonstrated, but I’m sure a pack of wolves tearing a sheep apart think they’re pretty intelligent and compassionate too.

Maleless

So, what happens to kids now? What do we tell young boys if Kavanaugh is ousted? “Don’t bother planning for your future because a woman can come out of nowhere and destroy you”? If unsubstantiated claims become a valid assault tactic, does this mean next feminists will cheer if women in the workplace use it? “Oh he got a promotion I wanted. so I told my bosses he raped me”. Because it doesn’t matter whether you’re guilty or innocent, it just matters that you’re a man. Judge you by your gender rather than the content of your character.

We’ve seen many false accusations by women (the media picked some big losers to sensationalize, since only 8% of rape allegations turn out to be false, but even ONE false accusation destroys Senator Hirono’s statement… I think I’ve found someone in Congress who gets me madder than Adam Schiff makes me) who wanted either to get back at men or avoid looking bad for things they voluntarily did. Or just wanted attention. Or were insane. But we’re supposed to believe each and every rape accusation and deny due process to men because they’re all guilty anyway.

What Do You Think?

Looks like such a fun game, vote Democrat and make it happen! Democrats want to send young men to die, and then imprison the remaining men over false accusations of rape. Think that’s hyperbole? Have you been paying attention, to your leaders, to your media? Havent you been paying attention to women at all, you sexist pig?

 

MASH doesn’t come with a Game Over screen, the game just starts over. An endless cycle. Appropriate for our concluding quote:

"“If the classroom situation is very heteropatriarchal—a 
large beginning class of 50 to 60 students, say, with few 
feminist students—I am likely to define my task as largely 
one of recruitment…of persuading students 
that women are oppressed" 
~Professor Joyce Trebilcot of Washington University, 
as quoted in Who Stole Feminism: How Women Have Betrayed Women.

 

 

Battlezone (Various, 1980-2001. Part 2 of the War Games series)

Atari-BattlezoneAs we watch the Democrats peddle their warmongering interventionist and laissez-faire let’s-wait-for-war attitudes, ie as they play their war games on their way to the fall brawl known as the midterm elections, where voters will probably vote Democrat to bring us nookular annihilation, I’ll take a look at some literal war games. Cold War video games, anyway.

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Image from Pinterest, logo is property of WWE

Today, we address the Left’s cuts to our military and #Resistance to helping it as said #Resistance demands war with Russia, and the game Battlezone.

Get In The Zone, Battlezone

You’re given a vector-graphics simulation of the first-person perspective of a tank. Some arcade cabinets even had a rig that made it seem like you were staring through a tank commander’s periscope. The object is to blow up any tanks, anti-tank missiles, or Unidentified Flying Cupcakes that you might see. And don’t get hit. The saucers just kinda float there and are hard to hit, but give you 5,000 points. The tanks shoot back and are worth 1000 points. The missiles fly right at you, but if you blow it up before it blows you up they’re worth 2000 points. There are barriers to hide behind too, for when the other tanks are shooting at you. There is a radar on the screen that shows where the tanks and missiles are, but not the cupcakes.

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Just about all the versions I played mentioned here are ports of the arcade (as seen above, even arcade emulations can have differences, on the left is the GBA version and on the right is the Saturn one). The Atari 2600 version changes everything up though. It’s not in the vector graphic format, and you are given a third person perspective of your tank. Or maybe it is first-person and you’re just riding on top of your tank.

We Don’t Serve Your Kind

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An M2 Bradley, as of this writing the only one on display at a museum. At the Danville, VA Tank Museum

The military, being fans of war games, wanted their own version of Battlezone. This would be done to train operators of the Bradley Infantry Fighting Vehicle.

Atari developers didn’t want to work on it because the Army is evil.

There’s a strong irony here. The Soviets who Atari was supporting with their refusal to cooperate were quite militaristic. The Red Army was founded based on bloody battles to rid Russia of tsarists. The Soviets had no problem using it- border wars with China, pilots and equipment for North Korea and Vietnam, war in Afghanistan, crushing various revolutionaries domestically. Yet the Atari developers wanted nothing to do with the military that would protect them, totally unaware that under Soviet rule the government would’ve threatened their families or imprisoned them if they refused to cooperate. But apparently that’s the system of government they wanted.

Yes, in the U.S. they’re free to object to helping America win, but it doesn’t make them free from criticism, especially when their actions make it look like they want the Soviets to control our country. We had enough bread lines in the Great Depression, we don’t need socialism here to bring them back.

Wasn’t The Last Time Techies Did This

Thousands of Google employees recently demanded their company stop working on military drones. There are several ironies here. 1- these employees had no problem with  Obama using drones to kill Americans without due process, they voted for him. 2- these employees have no problem creating a version of Google for China to use to limit the speech of its population and hide atrocities committed by its government. 3- these employees had no problem voting for Queen Hawk Hillary and every war she planned to start. 4- these employees are heavily funding California Democrats, members of the same party that wants a war with Russia.

So… they say Google’s image would be hurt by helping build drones to keep American soldiers out of harm’s way, but they believe it enhances Google’s image to help China oppress its population and help Hillary send American soldiers to die, and think a war with Russia whether by spiteful Democrats or by Hillary if she were President is a good thing. They think keeping soldiers from harm is immoral, but helping oppress people and sending soldiers to die and risking the lives of millions of Americans is moral.

I have a question- these developers want the option to opt out of helping the military protect the country and save our lives, so why do they want to force me to pay for abortion? They believe in conscientious objecting, but only when it suits them it seems. Killing babies anytime anywhere for any reason is fine if a mother decides on it, killing people and starting wars is fine if Hillary and Obama do it. Such is Google’s belief, based on what they openly support.

More On Developers (say the first two words together)

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Their nuclear war candidate lost and their politicians’ push for nuclear war isn’t going anywhere, but liberals still tried to turn cities into fiery hellscapes. Images from Associated Press, RWC, Fox News, and Quora

Battlezone illustrates the kind of combat that leftwing Atari developers voted for when they wanted Hillary in office. Well, Missile Command honestly was a better demonstrator, but Hillary is quite interventionalist. She claims to regret her Iraq vote, but she was happy to ram us into Libya with fewer reasons. And she didn’t even have the decency to stay and fix Libya after we were done breaking it, thus her policies led to the death of Ambassador Stevens. But that’s ok, the Atari developers and Google are just fine voting for sleazy warmongers like Hillary, just don’t ask them to support the military that Hillary will put in danger.

Liberals want military funding cut, but they’re happy to have Carter endanger soldiers in Iran, Clinton endanger them in Bosnia, Obama endanger them in Libya, and Clinton endanger them in Syria. And now that they’ve lost the election they’ve become like some kind of spiky-haired nihilistic punk and want the whole world to end, hence they want a nuclear war with Russia or at least North Korea.

Just Cut Military Spending!

When rising DNC star Ocasio-Cortez was asked how we’d pay for all her free stuff, she says tax the rich and deplete military spending. As the crowd cheers. The same clapping seals in her audience are the ones that also cheer when we’re told Russia committed an act of war and we should retaliate. So… cut military spending, but then pick a fight with Russia? And keep in mind- China and Russia are pretty good chums right now, and let’s throw in Iran and Syria because they owe Russia a lot anyway. So now we’re talking war with Russia, China, Syria, and Iran, while we cut our military below the already terrifying state it’s in right now if liberals are in charge. Oh yeah, and don’t forget- the “rich” that we’re taxing will flee the country or hide their money elsewhere. Does anyone else remember what happened when an underfunded country, with a resource-starved military, with a government that called itself “socialist”, tried to take on a bunch of different countries? Here’s a hint- it’s the reason toothbrush mustaches went out of style.

Just an aside to Ocasio-Cortez: I find it ironic that she, a New Yorker, is talking about the ultra-rich paying their fair share. Because in New York State, when Trump tried to raise taxes on their “ultra-rich” as she phrased it, the Democrats in command there set up a scheme to launder rich people’s money so that they could keep it. Our socialist comrades in California did the same thing.

Back To The Game Please?

The Atari 2600 and home computer versions give a story. The year is 1999. You had to steal a tank from a museum in order to fight the armies of people who don’t want peace on earth (or purity of essence, they oppose both). They unleashed automated weapons that you alone must face.

Battlezone-Atari-2600

The Atari 2600 release gave you a new perspective on the game

Speaking of the various versions, even the ones that are simply unaltered ports of the original play differently. Of course the controls and responsiveness differ. I mean, we’re talking a bunch of different controllers here. Less intuitive differences include how the Saturn port is very stingy with the saucers. The Dreamcast version gives you the option of playing with a fake cabinet border, but that makes everything smaller. Not that it matters, for some reason you can’t read the radar on the Dreamcast version anyway. The little blip was waaaaay too small. The GBA version played and looked pretty good, but I was using one of those fancy back-lit GBA SPs, rather than the front-lit earlier models or unlit original ones like you saw me get “screenshots” from in earlier writings. In the GBA version it also felt like hitting the missiles was easier.

Battlezone-Sega-Saturn

Screenshot of the Sega Saturn release (part of Arcade’s Greatest Hits, the gold version, also on PlayStation and SNES)

One thing this game does really well, I guess since it’s designed to eat your quarters, is reflect a certain aspect of real tank combat. The first tank to see the other one wins. An extreme example, but if an enterprising M3 Lee managed to sneak up on an Abrams, then the Lee could put a round into an Abrams’ engine no problem (not much armor there). But realistically the Abrams would’ve blown it to pieces before the Lee’s crew could possibly know another tank was aiming at them, and would still blow the Lee to pieces even after the Lee blasted its engine

Battlezone-Dreamcast

From the Dreamcast version (part of Atari Anniversary Edition, also on PlayStation). The arcade cabinet could be removed, making the game play in fullscreen. That made the radar at the top easier to see.

because its gun was still working (unless our brave antique roadsters somehow got a few rounds fired into the cannon of the Abrams). Such is the case in Battlezone. You have a little radar to guide you, but if the other tank sees you first, like say spawns on your right facing directly at you (happens a lot more than you’d think) you’re dead, even with the radar telling you to move that way, because you turn too slowly to meet the tank in time. The best I was able to do in such scenarios was sort of zigzag my tank between enemy shells, but I was never able to fire back because if I held the enemy in my sights long enough to do that, it would’ve been long enough for my already sighted adversary to fire the finishing round at me.

Battlezone-Destroy-All-Monsters-Comparison_vrfocus-megalon-vizzed-theridculosityreviewI am fairly certain that the developers of Battlezone stole designs from Destroy All Monsters. The saucers look like the alien saucers in that movie (granted, there isn’t too much you can do with the saucer design). The tanks look like the tanks in the movie with their general shape and even the radar sticking out the top, minus the rockets and extra cannons.

How’d You Do?

Battlezone-Game-Boy-Advance

Screenshot of the Game Boy Advance version (in the Atari Anniversary Edition)

As with Mario Bros., I’ll give my scores that I’m super proud of. Oh boy oh boy oh boy lookhowawesomeIamliekOMG!!!111

-GBA had 3 lives. I got 26,000 points.

-Atari 2600 had 5 lives, and I got 33,000.

-Sega Saturn had 3 lives, I got 20,000 points, in spite of how stingy the game is with the saucers.

-Dreamcast had 3 lives, I got only 16,000 because of the tiny radar. Or at least that’s what I’m going to say.

What Do You Think?

Looks like such a fun game, vote Democrat and make it happen! Hillary sure would have. Of course, if Democrats had their way then the military would be fighting these wars with no money, and no support at home since liberals hate soldiers (Salon has a nice headline “You don’t protect my freedom”, arguing that calling soldiers heroes is “childish”, and saying that it “deadens real democracy”. Ironically, 3 years later Salon’s political party of choice would demand we send soldiers to protect our democracy from Russia. Another irony is the childish naivety of the author, who because they don’t see threats they just assume there are none, like they never developed object permanence and are permanently stuck with an infant’s worldview… that author had better be careful, their mother might want an abortion). So there you go- just like Google, if you think killing American soldiers is a great thing then go ahead and vote Democrat this fall. Given Hillary’s treatment of police and military and government agents protecting her, it’s logical the Left and certainly her political party would hate them too, “Birds of a feather” and whatnot.

Battlezone-Game-Over-Sega-Saturn

 

 

Missile Command (Various, 1980-2001. Part 1 of the War Games series)

Missile-Command-WarheadOne night politics and video games attended the same party. They got very drunk and had triplets (known as “Rockman Zero 2”, “Rockman Zero 3”, and “Rockman Zero 4”. Those will be addressed when/if I decide to play them again). But politics and video games met again, in a sleazy bar near downtown Detroit, and this article and any I can think of to follow in this series were born from that second drunken tryst. (Their third tryst, which is memorialized by stains of Old Crow and bodily fluids on the Corinthian Leather of a 1980 Cordoba, gave us Mass Effect 3 and a generation of SJW games.) 

As we watch the Democrats peddle their warmongering interventionist and laissez-faire let’s-wait-for-war attitudes, ie as they play their war games on their way to the fall brawl known as the midterm elections, where voters will probably vote Democrat to bring us nookular annihilation, I’ll take a look at some literal war games. Cold War video games, anyway.

wcw-fall-brawl-war-games

Image from WWE.com

Today, we address the Left’s push for World War III or at least a new Cold War- by looking at the Cold War thriller “Missile Command”.

Alias “Warheads(Not to be confused with Warhead 2000)

Depending on the version you play, you have between one and three missile defense platforms. You aim their salvos with a helpful cursor. You fire your anti-missile missile at incoming enemy missiles. And smart bombs. And these Sputnik/flying mine things that fly by. And enemy bombers (that oddly look like B-52s in some releases, making me wonder just which side you’re on in this game, especially given the modern leanings of game developers). Once all of your cities are destroyed, your game is over. The same effect might also be achieved if your missile platform(s) is(are) destroyed early on in a round, because that means the rest of the missiles will come in unopposed and flatten your cities. It looks something like this (a scene from the big blockbuster of 1977 that Fox had to delay releasing until Fall, releasing some obscure flick called Star Wars to whet the audience’s summer appetite instead).

You have a finite amount of missiles too, by the way. In later rounds as the action gets faster and incoming missiles become more numerous, you’ll start running out.

Missile-Command-Sega-Genesis-2

To defend against Fake News, one has to be able to counter the overwhelming number of claims. While distracted by one, another comes raining down, then another. Sometimes you can take down multiple claims in one shot. But eventually you’re not fast enough and are overwhelmed. What game does that sound like to you?

Strategy for stopping the smart bombs varies game-to-game. As far as I can tell, I think in the Genesis or 5200 version, the best strategy is to direct them (via detonating your missiles in front of them) into a city that’s already destroyed, or that you don’t like. The cities represent real American cities, so send the smart bombs to the second city from the left (San Francisco) or second city from the right (Los Angeles). They’re the liberal cities that most voted for nuclear war; let ’em have it. As for the other releases, smart bombs can be destroyed.

This Time, The Game Is Real

Nike-Hercules-SAM-Danville-Tank-Museum

Nike-Hercules missiles were armed with nuclear warheads and deployed across the country to defend against incoming Soviet bombers. This example is from the Tank Museum in Danville, VA. This picture was taken before I was kicked out, because SOME people just don’t like it when you repeatedly hit a nuclear warhead with a hammer! Typical nanny-state BS.

The game is grounded in reality, sort of. We had such missile platforms all over the country, but they were designed to take out squadrons of Soviet bombers  (we tried to upgrade them to take out some short to long-range missiles, but that just kind of stopped when the Soviets started focusing on massive ICBM strikes with hundreds of warheads instead of bombers). ICBMs of course are faster. A faster interception system was needed, and although we never got any such projects off the ground this game depicts what appears to be the Nike-X project (it was downgraded to Sentinel, which gave less coverage and could repel far fewer missiles, and then became Safeguard. Sentinel was both met with heavy protest, from the Left of course who found missile defense to be too belligerent. Ironic how the Soviets called it “imperialist warmongering“, just the sort of thing the Left (sources like Common Dreams,

Missile-Command-Atari-2600-Manual

Noo-cue-lar combat toe-to-toe with the Ruskies is a man’s job, that’s why he gets the helmet deary

Marxists.org, counterpunch.org, globalresearch.ca, londonprogressivejournal.com, houstoncommunistparty.com, monthlyreview.org, leftvoice.org, Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez who is the future of the party) refers to any U.S. overseas action or military buildup as today (globalpolicy.org and monthlyreview.org had examples of this belief, globalpolicy even linking missile defense to imperialism) (the Left also thinks colonizing Mars is imperialist and an example of “male entitlement”, so congratulations Democrat, this is the allegedly pro-science pro-truth group you are supporting. By the way, I have a bridge in Brooklyn for sale if you believe that the Left is pro-science), the same anti-Imperialist-anti-US-warmingering Left that wants war with Russia (note that after a century of brutalizing its own people and others worldwide, the only thing that made Democrats stop loving Russia was allegedly helping Hillary lose, not that whole “Soviets killed tens of millions of people” thing, so remember that when Dems say they’re compassionate and care about others) and celebrated Obama’s hawkishexcept-against-Islamic-terror-foreign-policy… and wanted Hillary The Hawk to win).

Hippie liberals, who now run the colleges and to an extent the DNC via the radical protesters they are producing, protested heavily against Safeguard being installed because they were afraid it would trigger an arms race or a pre-emptive attack or some such rot. And now these same hippies and their progeny (both ideological and biological no doubt) want to piss off Russia enough that they’d send nukes our way, right into the country they left undefended. In fact, their radical President wanted to disarm the U.S. entirely, their President who said Russia was our friend. If we are to assume that your side of the aisle is as intelligent as you claim, that means you KNOW that your decades of protesting the military and disarmament talk left America weak, your protests against missile defense left us defenseless, thus you must know that your demands for war with Russia mean the destruction of this country that you left undefended. Therefore, if you’re as smart as you claim to be, you’ve deliberately disarmed America to make it easy for Russia to destroy it. That fits with your antiAmerican procommunist proRussian rhetoric, which was the norm until your almost-century old position on Russia changed with Hillary. So unless you admit to gross incompetence, admit that your side is not particularly intelligent, we can only assume that you want America to be destroyed. For those who think I’m being a little hyperbolic and exclusionary, keep in mind that the Left for decades has believed anyone who doesn’t vote Democrat is a racist. ANYONE.

peace-symbol

“Peace!… n-no wait WAR! Uh… I NEED MORE TIME TO ANSWER!”

So tell me, liberal, just what the hell are we supposed to do to Russia when they “hack our elections” and make your candidate lose? If we have no nuclear weapons as you want, what do we do? We saw in the aftermath of Hawaii’s accidental missile alert that you liberals have no stomach for confrontation if you think it’ll actually hurt you. You began screaming at Trump to tone down his rhetoric against North Korea (all the while you still were very vocal against the much more heavily-armed Russians). So let’s say you decide to sanction Russia- they just have to threaten a nuclear launch and you’ll shut up and impeach your President for endangering you, unless you mean to tell me that all your rhetoric against Trump over his North Korea talk was just a bunch of garbage. No, I guess you won’t.

Speaking of that Hawaii incident, and blaming Trump for inflaming the situation, remember how Obama was ready to go to war with North Korea without even seeking negotiation? No, I guess you don’t. Definitely not your Senator who went after Trump after the false alert (then again even when combined with Kamala Harris’ vast intellect we find that both Senators have just enough brain activity to show that even people not in comas can be vegetables. Throw in Maxine Waters and you might have the same amount of activity as in tomato sauce. And no, liberal, it isn’t racist or sexist to say a minority or a woman or some combination thereof is an idiot. Plus, I think white male Adam Schiff and white female Sally Boynton Brown are similarly impaired, while white male Joe Biden is slightly above them because I’m pretty sure he just babbles to himself rather than deliberately lies, and I have a low opinion in general of the predominantly white anchorage at CNN. Or are you going to say I’m racist against whites, because last I heard from you liberal that was impossible). Actually, the Left is still ready for a war with North Korea, at least those liberals on the mainland who wouldn’t have to face an attack. 71% of liberals polled don’t want peace with North Korea if it means Trump gets credit for it.

Meanwhile, the creator of Missile Command found nuclear war to quite literally be a nightmarish scenario. Unlike the Left today, which would rather we have a nuclear war with Russia because they can’t admit to themselves that Hillary was a terrible candidate, and want a war with North Korea too if it means Trump’s reputation is hurt by it.

A Quick Aside On The Russia Warmongering

We the public don’t know that Russia leaked the DNC emails. Mueller’s charges mean nothing, and most of what was in his indictments of the Russian hackers was two years old at least, and reported in mainstream outlets as far back as June 2016, meaning that Mueller’s timing was rather suspicious given that he released the indictments around the time Trump had a major summit with Putin, apparently sitting on this info for his entire first year as Special Counsel. As for the indictments, Mueller knows damn well those Russians will never see a day in court so he doesn’t have to prove anything, doesn’t even have to be able to prove anything. Remember: Clinton associate and strategist James Carville said grand juries can indict a ham sandwich, meaning indictments flow fast and free through them.

Deep-State-Robert-Mueller

Mueller looks like he could be John Kerry’s brother.

Mueller himself has a history of pursuing innocent men and burying evidence showing innocence (he was head of the FBI during the anthrax case when prosecutors buried exculpatory evidence, and Mueller personally led that case), so his credibility is further diminished. Mueller was also very good friends with Former FBI Director James Comey (who helped Mueller prosecute innocent people) so we have in that a certain motive of retribution against Trump on Mueller’s part, which also explains the good timing that even the liberal media admits to in regards to Mueller’s indictments.

Wikileaks denies it was the Russians; there is evidence to suggest it was an inside job. Not that it even had to be, John Podesta’s password could’ve been cracked by a ten year old. Besides, if the server hack was such a damning thing, why did you liberals destroy anything that could provide evidence for your complaint? The only reason you would is that examining the servers would prove that no hack took place. Just like the only reason you would oppose a deal that would allow Mueller to question the indicted Russians is because you are afraid Mueller would have to prove his case.

You also contend that Russians colluded with Trump to get him elected. This lumped with the email hacking constitutes your sole reasoning for wanting war with Russia. There has been an army of bureaucrats and elected (Adam Schiff) leakers in the government complimented by a nation of journalists, all with a strong hatred of Trump. Yet in the two years since Trump obtained the votes needed to be the Republican nominee, not one shred of proof has surfaced. Now how about that, the best you can do is assume debunked and implausible documents like the Steele Dossier are true or say that US Intel Plant Halper giving a story to George Papadopolous who talked about it to the Australian Ambassador/Clinton Donor was somehow collusion.

The hardest evidence you have, the only items you’ve been referring to when asked for solid evidence aside from vaguely circumstantial stuff, are the debunked Steele Dossier and the intelligence assessment that you all kept touting as confirmation from 17 agencies that Russia interfered. I’ll write it here for your convenience- it did not involve 17 agencies, and was an intelligence ASSESSMENT. That means political hack and confirmed liar John Brennan assembled a team of yes-men who came up with the THEORY that Russia interfered, that is what an assessment is, it’s what that little committee theorizes, NOT what really happened (but to a liberal I guess the difference is only semantic, because what they think and feel are the only realities they acknowledge, as I’ve established in other items). And the debunked Steele Dossier was used in drafting the Intel Community Assessment in question. Oh, and Obama of course ordered this Assessment to be done.

Let’s Look At Some Quantities

journalists-wiki-tw

I’m getting a lot of mileage out of this chart C-Gaymer found.

Given that most of those in the Journalism industry are leftwingers, it’s safe to say that at least 22,241 reporters have motive and opportunity to research Trump and any connections to Russia. Now let’s add in every Democrat in Congress (193 Congressmen and 49 Senators), every member of those 242 Congressmen and Senators’ staff, every sympathetic contact in the private and public sector that they have, every leaker and anonymous source the liberal media uses, every Democrat in the bureaucracy, every liberal blogger, every liberal hacker, every liberal professor who might have academic means of research, private investigators these groups might employ (like Fusion GPS), every liberal in the DOJ (who tried to fabricate evidence against Trump, the Steele Dossier, which wouldn’t be needed if there was anything really there), every millionaire and celebrity in Hollywood plus billionaires like Tom Steyer and George Soros with their massive networks of personnel and followers nationwide, most of the tech industry which easily has access to all of Donald Trump’s tweets and Google searches and things like that, and it’s easy to assume that we’re talking about a group of people larger than the population of Iceland (maybe even larger than England), with more money than the GDP of Russia at their disposal, with a cyber army on par with the NSA and as capable of hacking elections as any Russian group, and the backing of multiple parts of the U.S. government from Congressional offices to departments in the DOJ to state-level offices and attorney generals. This massive ball of hatred has had two years now to work on this.

DESPITE all of this at their disposal, enough raw power to destroy whole countries, DESPITE all of the time that they’ve had to research, they can’t find ONE SHRED OF EVIDENCE that Trump colluded with Russia, nor can they provide solid evidence that Russia hacked the DNC servers, even though they have Russian oligarchs with access (as we know from when Clinton cash made its way to Russians, maybe even oligarchs close to Putin to loosen their lips and make this whole “we’ll reveal Putin’s evil plan while risking our lives for some guy we haven’t seen in 7 years” thing credible, through Steele in exchange for the debunked Steele Dossier), even though they have access to SPIES in the Kremlin as the New York Times leaked (which probably means we HAD a spy in the Kremlin, thanks to our intrepid reporters who just threw a life away even though they seemed scared to death that this very consequence would happen if someone leaked the identity of  Stefan Halper as the informant from the Trump Campaign- notice that NOT ONE of the folks like Senator Warner who said Congressmen could be charged for trying to unmask Halper or the folks in the media who said intelligence would be irreparably damaged from the ‘Halper reveal’ SAID WORD ONE about the Times’ leak that we have a spy in the Kremlin). Maybe you understand NOW why your Russian collusion claims seem so ridiculous? If your side brought that same power to bear against Russia itself or China, you could probably bring those countries to their knees both in cyber and economic zones. Instead, you focused all of it on Trump, and have come up with nothing after two years.

Alright, I think that about covers why the Russian warmongering is just another “U.S.S. Maine” (the press exploited the incidental explosion of a battleship to drive America to war with Spain, just like the press is exploiting the incidental leaking of emails to drive America to war with Russia, except this time the enemy has teeth and will ironically incinerate liberals by the millions. The only time I’d ever want to be at ground zero for a nuclear attack is at NBC, ABC, CBS, or CNN headquarters (or in Senator Hirono’s office, I’m lumping her in here because she never condemned Hillary demanding missile strikes on Syria and a no-fly zone where we’d shoot down Russian jets, nor did Hirono condemn the media and her colleagues demanding war with Russia) and see the look on the face of one of these warmongerers as Russia responds to their threats in much the manner they kept saying North Korea would respond to Trump’s heated rhetoric).

Uhhhhm… You Mentioned Different Versions?

Oh right! Well, I said this mixes politics and the game, so I became a skosh sidetracked.

Atari Ports

Missile-Command-Atari-2600

Naturally, we get one for the Atari 2600. One of the selling points of that console was having arcade games at home. As you can see this is a version where you get only one launcher to shoot down enemy missiles from. In later ports with 3 missile launchers, 3 buttons are used to differentiate them. The Atari 2600’s standard controller had only one button.

Missile-Command-Atari-5200

Yet another port where you have only one tower with which to shoot down missiles. Sure the 5200’s controller had a dial pad like a telephone, but it’d be kinda hard to use the joystick and the dial pad as would be needed to control three towers. The original arcade version used a trackball, so unless you got the trackball for your Atari 5200 you’ll be hard-pressed to emulate that experience with other ports. Not that you need it, the 5200’s joystick worked well enough. It was my favorite control setup, very responsive and swift. As you can see in the upper right, on the 5200 the incoming bombers are American B-52s.

B-52-Atari-5200

During a marketing campaign to prove the Atari 5200’s rugged durability despite its large size, Atari executives arranged for the U.S. Air Force to land a B-52 on one.

I was surprised to learn, but to the best of my knowledge, there was not a Missile Command port for the Atari 7800. You’d think they would’ve put their hit game on that console, but you’d think wrong I guess.

Sega Ports

Missile-Command-Master-System-TangelaMissile-Command-Master-System

 

 

 

 

 

The Sega Master System version (from “Arcade Smash Hits”) sort of plays like the real thing. You get multiple launchers too. As you can see, this is not about you defending American… or Soviet… cities. It’s about a race of Tangelas protecting themselves during an interplanetary war.

Missile-Command-Game-Gear

The cursor on the Game Gear version (part of “Arcade Classics”) moves like a sleepy Hutt, but the incoming missiles are slow as well. Feeling like you’re trying to move a heavy bookcase by pushing it across carpet is not conducive to a good gaming experience.

Arcade-Classics-Missile-Command-Sega-Genesis

The Sega Genesis port (part of “Arcade Classics”) does not particularly stand out in my mind. As you can see they took some liberties with the designs, and apparently made commercial airliners into nuclear bombers (a reversal of what was actually done), but there isn’t much more to talk about here.

Missile-Command-Sega-Saturn

With the Sega Saturn version (part of “Arcade’s Greatest Hits”, the gold version, also released for SNES and PlayStation) we get into the realm of arcade-accurate ports. Or emulations. Probably emulations.

Missile-Command-Dreamcast

The Dreamcast version (part of “Atari Anniversary Edition”, also released for PlayStation) takes this arcade-accurate emulation to its logical conclusion by simulating an arcade machine’s monitor. This also shrinks the amount of space your game takes up on the TV screen, and the shrinkage is very noticeable in the graphics. You can see the difference for yourself if you have this copy because you can play it in either arcade cabinet or fullscreen mode.

Nintendo

There is a Super Nintendo port, on the gold “Arcade’s Greatest Hits” cartridge. But clearly I do not have it. Same goes for the Game Boy Color version, which I did not know existed until just now.

Missile-Command-Super-Game-Boy

I do have the Game Boy version. It’s lumped in the same cartridge as Asteroids, titled “Arcade Classic 1” (there were more, at least 2 more, in the “Arcade Classic” series on Game Boy). The game is obviously enhanced not just beyond the original story, but beyond the Game Boy’s capabilities. If you plug it into the Super Gameboy you get some colors and an arcade cabinet around your screen.

Missile-Command-Game-Boy-Advance

Controls on the Game Boy Advance version (on the “Atari Anniversary Edition” cartridge) aren’t that good, it’s like your cursor is sliding on ice. It’s otherwise a great port, and even manages to give you three missile launchers. Looks like it’s more or less an emulation, like the Saturn and Dreamcast versions.

PlayStation

Missile-Command-PlayStation

The PlayStation had a remake, with a different plot than the Cold War terror and graphics altered to suit (just like the Master System and Genesis versions. The Atari 2600 release had a different story, but it was clearly just a port with no extra touches). Same with the Atari Jaguar’s Missile Command 3D. The PlayStation remake offers a 3D, first-person perspective as you man a missile-shooting aircraft. This version also offers a more familiar mode of gameplay, pictured left.

Warhead(s)

Warhead-Warheads-Windows-Fun-Pack

In the game it’s “Warheads”, on the CD label it’s “Warhead”. Released on the FunPack CD with clones of other games (like Pac Man, Asteroids, Tetris, and Super Breakout), we get the Missile Command clone Warhead. Yes, it’s legitimate. I think. My parents bought it in the early 90s from a store, probably a big chain store since they don’t seek out small used video game shops and there certainly weren’t many around, so it must be. The FunPack version has tiny explosions and the missiles move kind of slow, so your aim needs to be more precise than the original. This works on Windows 3.1 through Windows 98. I don’t know if it’d run on anything stronger than that, even with Windows 98 the Pac Man and Tetris clones do not function right.

What Do You Think?

Looks like such a fun game, vote Democrat and make it happen! Much as Trump undid Obama’s legacy, I suspect Democrats, if given the majority in Congress, would work to undo Trump’s. And then in 2020 we’d get President Kamala Harris or President Elizabeth Warren, who’d bring back tensions with North Korea and become such hawks against Russia that Queen Hawk Hillary would tell them to take a chill pill. Because nuclear war with Russia and North Korea is what their base wants these days. Obviously, otherwise they’d vote these warmongerers out of office or at least support the peaceful foreign policy initiatives Trump has pursued, right?

Trump killed 200 Russians with his missile strikes in Syria, that’s 200 more than the past two Presidents combined. Democrats think that killing only 200 Russians, expelling diplomats, and increasing sanctions means Trump is too soft on Russia, a treasonous collaborator and a Russian puppet. That’s the bar Democrats set- meaning their idea of cordial relations with Russia under Trump would be if we nuked only Moscow. So who will YOU vote for? Or maybe just sit this one out…

Missile-Command-Game-Boy-Advance-End-Screen

Mario Bros. (Various, 1983-2001)

Mario-Bros-Arcade-Miami-Vice

You know you’ve hit it big when your 1983 arcade game appears on Miami Vice in 1986. (Season 2, Episode 21 “Trust Fund Pirates”)

The Story

As I slog my way through the quagmire known as Donkey Kong Country on the Game Boy Color, I wanted to take a break from the political articles I’ve been marking time with until the DKC review is through (that would be the last 4 to 6 articles, depending on the order these get posted). Seems fitting that I’d focus on DK’s original foe for the piece I write while trying to finish off one of his games.

We Wanted The Game’s Story, Not Yours!

Here it is, set to the theme tune from the always funny “Car 54 Where Are You?”. Sadly the humor (and humors) of the show are not involved in our 8 bit subject of today. And yes, the Atari 2600 was 8 bits. Its processor is a cheap version of what the NES would later use.

Mario Bros. has a simple story- Mario and Luigi are plumbers in New York City. They are trying to clean the pipes out, and must also collect the coins because that is how they get paid. Welcome to De Blasio’s New York.

The objective is to kill all of the monsters that come out of the pipes. You don’t have to kill the fireballs, but they give you points if you do (at least in the Super Mario Advance version, I can’t remember if I ever managed to kill a fireball in the other ones). You achieve fatalities by smashing your head onto the platform beneath the monster you wish to liquidate (literally, your goal is to knock it into the water) and then running directly into the monster whilst it is disabled.

There are 99 different “phases”. Not quite 99 different stages, because several phases take place on a stage. In almost every phase, your goal is to kill the enemies to advance as stated above. However, in phase 4, 8, 16, 24, and presumably the rest of the multiples of 8, you are given the challenge of collecting 10 coins before a timer runs out. If you do, you get an extra life.

Mario-Bros-Cartridges

Different Versions

Look, there isn’t much to the game. That last paragraph would’ve been the end of this piece if I didn’t pad it out with a comparison between different versions. Besides, I rarely get to see side-by-side screenshots like this detailing different releases.

Mario-Bros-Atari-5200-Copyright

Mario-Bros-Atari-5200

Atari 5200 gives a big Mario sprite that reminds me of the one in Super Mario Bros. Platforms animate when bumped. There is still only one stage design.

Mario-Bros-Atari-2600

The Atari 2600 version looks pretty simplistic. You only see one stage design. You can’t walk on the POW block in the middle. When you bump your head on the platform above, it does not show an animation indicating where you bumped (this is the only version I played that didn’t). You start with A LOT more fireballs here I think than in other versions.

Mario-Bros-Atari-7800

Atari 7800 gives a very detailed stage… but it’s the only one. At least Mario handled well, his movements were tight relative to the controller commands. And no, I played it on a standard 4:3 TV, not a widescreen 16:9 one. I don’t know why they chose to stretch Mario and the platform graphics.

Nintendo’s Entries

Mario-Bros-Arcade

Here is the original arcade version. I did not play it. Image from mariowiki.com

Mario-Bros-NES

Now we get to the NES, which I assume is the closest port of the arcade version out of the ones I played. The stages actually change after a certain number of phases pass. but Mario handles very poorly, skids like he’s on ice even when he isn’t.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mario-Bros-Super-Mario-Advance

On the Game Boy Advance, we have what appears to be a remake sort of (from the Super Mario Advance games). HD upgrade maybe? In keeping with a tradition started in a minigame in Super Mario Bros. 3, the turtles you initially get are replaced by ambulatory spiky shells. All graphics for the player and enemies are on par with the Mario games from the Super Nintendo. Backgrounds and stages have also received a visual upgrade. Mario can now duck, and can throw the POW blocks.

Super-Mario-Bros-3_Battle_Mode_strategywiki

There’s also this variant- a minigame from Super Mario Bros. 3. On the NES version, it only appears if you challenge the other player to a duel. The winner is either the one that isn’t clobbered by an enemy or the first to kill 5 enemies. If my NES were able to read SMB3 properly, I’d have had no need to take this image from strategywiki

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Super-Mario-All-Stars-Battle-Mode

The two-player only variant also appears on Super Mario All-Stars on the SNES, via the Super Mario Bros. 3 entry. This time though you need two controllers to ever be able to access it, unlike on the NES where I got everything done with just one controller. On the main menu for SMB3, a “Battle Mode” option is presented so that you can take on your friend immediately instead of waiting for an encounter in the main game.

Believe it or not, there are releases not covered here. Mario Bros. found its way onto the GBA again in the form of a port of the NES title. It also popped up on Nintendo’s Virtual Console, Apple II, Commodore 64, FM-7, NEC PC88, Amstrad CPC, Atari 8-bit home computers, an arcade compilation for the Nintendo Switch, Game Boy Advance e-Reader cards, and on the NES Classic. And maybe even somewhere else I didn’t name. A sort of sequel appeared on the Virtual Boy in the form of “Mario Clash”.

So… How Did You Do?

In case you were wondering, here are the scores from the best run-throughs I had this time around, plus how many lives each game gives you to start with:

  • Atari 2600- 5 lives, Phase 6, 34400 points
  • Atari 5200- 5 lives, Phase 6, 43370 points
  • Atari 7800- 3 lives, Phase 12, 71990 points
  • NES- 3 lives, Phase 9, 69670
  • Game Boy Advance (Super Mario Advance)– 3 lives, Phase 28, 245950 points

Mario-Bros-NES-Game-Over